Perdition
_I: After a crisis, there is nothing more normal than asking ourselves: “where am I?” And immediately we came to more questions: “Why did this happen? Because? What did I do? It's worth it? What if maybe I have to leave everything? Was everything I did so far useful or was it in vain?”
_AM: It's normal to wonder all this when you lose your way, when everything you considered normal suddenly ends. The normal thing for humans is to believe that when they experience a crisis, nothing they have done has been worth it, because no matter how much they have moved, they have ended up badly and suffering. That is a very short-term view. You are so focused on the emotion of the moment, so focused on that feeling of the present, that you interpret past and future with the same emotion. That's when everything seems to lose meaning. And therefore, you have no point of reference, of origin or destination.
_I: It's the feeling of total loss...
_AM: And that is precisely what it is about, perdition.
_I: In what sense?
_AM: Tell me, what is discovery?
_I: It is removing what is covering something, and seeing what was covered for the first time in my life.
_AM: So you had no prior idea of what was there.
_I: No. Otherwise it wouldn't be discovering, it would be rediscovering.
_AM: And what does “Discover” imply from an emotional perspective?
_I: Well... I think it implies enthusiasm, ecstasy, joy, surprise, fulfillment...
_AM: So something that you didn't know about before causes many positive things in your life...
_I: It depends, if what I discover was something good or a horrible secret...
_AM: Both will lead you to emotions that will exalt your way of living, they will change what you previously believed to have to adapt to that new thing that you have just seen. A discovery is a truth that comes to light, regardless of how horrible or beautiful what was covered up.
_I: Yes… That's right.
_AM: So, when you discover it, what you previously had as knowledge is no longer useful and you need new mental, emotional and physical tools to adjust to this new reality that you discovered.
_I: Yes…
_AM: Without having anything before... So you have to leave everything you brought with you to take on new things again...
_I: That's right...
_AM: So everything you brought is now all “to give.” Do you remember what word we got from this concept?
_I: “Forgive.”
_AM: Exactly. Forgiveness is the positive concept in which the soul, the consciousness, recognizes that they must let go of what they were attached to, let it go in a loving and transformative process. But what if I don't want to let go, and life forces me to change through a crisis?
_I: I lose everything...
_AM: There you find the negative aspect of the word Forgive, which is “Perdition”. This word has the same etymology as Forgive, meaning the same thing, but in its case, it evolved into the verb “Lose” in Latin languages, and “Lose” in Saxon languages, which means “to cut, divide, leave a part.”
_I: They mean the same thing… Of course. One arises from the inner will, out of love and awareness of liberation (Forgive), and the other arises from external pressure, out of fear and unconsciousness of punishment (Perdition).
_AM: The feeling of being lost in life only highlights those moments of unconsciousness in which you blame the external world for your misfortunes, believing yourself to be a prisoner of a destiny that you have drawn for yourself in another dimension. The crisis shows you that you don't know everything, that you must discover yourself. To do this, you must take into account why life needs you to get lost. It all begins in the safety of the known path, when you believe you are knowledgeable, wise about your walk, and you have turned what you see into your routine. You cling to what you know and can control, and design your life accordingly. Attachment to the path and the known life generate attachment to the mission and destiny, generating an idea of security in the purpose towards which you are heading, although it is nothing more than a projection of your desires, and not of your truths. . Thus, when the moment of truth arrives, nothing that you have created for yourself by belief will allow you to fulfill your purpose, since your true mission in life is in tune with your essence, not with your personality. When you project your destiny based on the desires of the personality, covering more and more of your essence, the force of the universe will pressure you to discover it, and truly see what was in you.
_I: “You are a precious gem covered in shit,” said the Reptilian.
_AM: Do you understand him now? Your life is about discovering yourself, about understanding that that shit is nothing more than fertilizer for your life, but that for fear of shining like a gem, you have done nothing but cover it up, taking away the purpose of the fertilizer and the gem alike. The crisis is that bucket of cold water that removes all the shit with one hard and unexpected blow, leaving the gem unprotected. There you find that you have built your entire life based on the fertilizer of your personality, and not on the gem of your essence. Then you find yourself weak, without any sense, because everything you have built was for your fertilizer, and for the fertilizer of others, but not for you, for your truth. So, you have no choice but to leave everything, forcibly let go, because life is crying out for you to be yourself. The hardest detachment is to leave everything you believed in both your past and your future. And letting go of everything is called Perdition.
_I: I have felt lost many times in my life, trying to do what others wanted, in the search for myself, I have lost myself. It's a horrible feeling. Sometimes, one gets lost in one's own thoughts, losing the logic of all things. Sometimes he gets lost in the emotion of the soul, entering a deep pit with no way out. Sometimes you get lost with your body, not knowing where it is or finding your way back. I have lived them all.
_AM: Tell me.
_I: I remember that time my guides told me that I should do Ayahuasca. I refused for months. They said that I was so projected into earthly life doing things for my personality, that I couldn't hear my spiritual essence, and I needed a tool from the earth to achieve it. But I did not want. And I suddenly started to feel like nothing made sense. My mind felt a huge void, strange, directionless, even my internal GPS faded, there was nowhere to go. I was in Mendoza, Argentina, and when I went out to the street to go home, I realized that I couldn't understand where north was, I went back inside the boys' house, and I told them that I couldn't leave because I didn't know where. was. It was the first time I consciously experienced lostness. This led me to travel to Chile to do my first ayahuasca ceremony, and 3 days before, everything I had with me was stolen. My guides told _I: “you have to start from 0”. That's how it went. I felt all that year that my mission, my idea of myself, was not the same, that everything I believed about myself had changed, the concept of the universe, of purpose, of my beliefs, I saw everything from a complete vision. It completely turned my head. They told me that a person should live at least 3 points 0 in his life for each of his bodies: mental, emotional and physical; crises that lead to a state of total perdition, of restart.
_AM: And the Second?
_I: I think the second one involved the Heart. That 2017 for me was terrible in that sense. The same week I started the Dragon Trail in Patagonia, my grandmother died, someone who means a lot in my life. I felt that when I left on my mission I abandoned it in the last days of it, and that destroyed me, accompanying me all the way until I fell into that depression and collapse in Mexico that made me return home and be autistic for a month. When I came to, I traveled to Europe, where I ended up making my trips to Mount Kailash and Brittany, which took me to Switzerland to find that love of the Void. There I ended up having an emotional breakdown, and after that I felt like my system was rebooting.
_AM: And the third?
_I: Well… I guess it started with Mount Kailash facing death, and continued in Scotland, on Mount Storr on the Isle of Skye. In the first place, I almost died of a stroke and frostbite at 7000 meters high doing the Kora trail, and I literally started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In the next one, I got lost in the mountains along winding roads, and the clouds covered me, leaving a terrifying and macabre landscape in which the cliffs began to be slippery, and I couldn't find my way back. I was trapped on a cliff where I couldn't see anything 2 meters away, and if I moved I might fall into the void. There I felt that this could be the day of my death. I was afraid, I won't deny it, my whole life passed before me, and I felt every one of my cells try to defend itself in tension. But when I relaxed and meditated, a cloud moved and showed me the way. It was difficult to get out of there, but I did it. That day I wrote my will. I felt that I had never thought that I could die, and that I should be more careful.
_AM: When you come to the end of things, the only thing left before you are possibilities. People relate the word perdition with a defeat, almost like the fall into the infernal abysses, in which the soul has no return, it does not find the straight path. However, for the Universe, which is a creative being, there is no interest in the right path. The Universe imagines possibilities, it imagines diversity, and what it tries to do is discover more of itself, find what it cannot see clearly from the beginning. This is how it traces paths, history. You need to get lost in order to find yourself.
_I: That phrase is key... The Universe is at a single point, everything comes together there, and it is inevitable to think that it created all this in order to discover what it was capable of, that is, that it needed to lose itself to find itself, it needed to give everything of yes to see a new option…
_AM: You lose yourself in life because you have created a destiny that is not real, and by losing everything you have built, that is when you discover the possibility of what truly lies within you. Doom, then, is the universe removing you from your mental, emotional and physical comfort zone so that you can see other ways.
_I: I take those moments more clearly now. I see now that despairing when getting lost, as happened to me in the mountains, leads nowhere, and that the solution is to sit down and rethink where one was going. The moment of perdition is the 0th moment of restart, not the loss or end, but the reunion and the beginning.
_AM: When your soul is lost in life again, now you will know what you should do...
_I: Let go of all destiny, and remember that I will always find myself inside.