Fog
_I: Confusion. Yesterday I went to sleep wrapped in confusion, doubts, uncertainty. In fact, I had a hard time falling asleep, and I was thinking about too many things, perhaps without meaning.
_AM: Like what things?
_I: For a week now I have been feeling strange, I don't know how to define it, as if I didn't feel part of something, as if things were ending, but not because this year's cycle of daily alignments is ending, but because of other things. deep…
_AM: Like what?
_I: I just don't know. It all started one day, a week ago, when I felt like a child. Suddenly, doing one of the lineups, I saw myself as myself at 8 or 9 years old. The image was strange, because it was not that I saw that image of myself, but that literally me, my body and the point of view from which I looked around, was that of being 8 or 9 years old. I saw myself as expectant, but in a very natural way for a child, like that child who is in the waiting room of a doctor, or a psychologist, with a kind of fixed, lost gaze, carrying out superficial inspections with his eyes. the things that surround him. With both hands on the edge of the chair, almost swinging his feet in the air if he could have done it. In that moment, I felt like a void, as if I were returning to that moment of feeling like a child, but alone, waiting for something...
_AM: You don't know what you expect?
_I: Everything was cloudy, everything was kind of white, with nothing, it was strange...
_AM: As in the Mist.
_I: Yes. And from that moment, the Fog surrounds me. Even if I know how my project is going, and understand the things that come later, I felt like... In purgatory.
_AM: Maybe, a farewell…
_I: Farewell?
_AM: The beginning of a farewell. And that's what hurts the most. Knowing that it is the end of something.
_I: But, it doesn't affect me that the daily journey ends...
_AM: Of course that doesn't affect you. But, you have to look further back, what really affects you when it ends... Something that you feel you can't even celebrate...
_I: That made me sick.
_AM: Tell me…
_I: I realized... That soon 360 days will have passed. That soon I will stop being 33 years old, and one of the most important years of my life will have ended. I realized that I did everything I should do this year, and at the same time I feel like I did nothing. I feel fog... As if, even knowing that the trees, the landscape, the lake, the town are there, surrounding me, everything is covered by this white, frivolous layer. And... My Sun in Leo wanted to make it shine, it needs the fog to disappear, for there to be clarity, irradiation of light.
_AM: In what way?
_I: Making my birthday make a difference. I always needed my birthdays to be special, for things to happen that make me remember it. I'm sorry for those who consider me selfish, but as a leonine, I need that day to be recorded in my ego. A meal with friends is not enough for me, for me, a birthday is an ode to transcendence, a celebration of having completed another lap around the Sun, and we must intend what will come, what we will build on the next lap. That's why I wanted to have a big birthday, in Egypt. But this took the focus away from many other things we have to do, sustain. My environment made me see that my “party” took away from the center what really mattered, and my birthday, the end of this daily journey, took a backseat. And that 8-year-old boy saw himself sitting, looking into space, as if hurt, sad.
_AM: The damaged ego…
_I: Yes… As if my birthday didn't matter. The issue was not whether or not to have a party, the issue was to do something that makes a difference. And well…
_AM: Why do you think your being needs to make a difference?
_I: I suppose it's because I always wanted to do big things that stand out, something very leonine and completely criticizable, but I consider that it is part of my tool. I wouldn't have done anything I did if it weren't for that. And, it's not just a question with the world, but with myself, it's as if I need to stand out...
_AM: Where is this coming from?
_I: I don't know…
_AM: I'll tell you. You were not a wanted child. You were the product of a teenage mistake. Your mother was 17 years old.
_I: What a great place, right?… Ouch…
_AM: Maybe things are going well. Even though you have not been sought, you have been accepted. Both your mother and your grandparents did not hesitate to say that you would be accepted and loved. Your grandfather was a survivor of 3 previous abortions of your great-grandmother, caused at the request of your great-grandfather. The rejection was transcended by him in that moment when he accepted you without a doubt. Your great-aunt was always rejected by her father and her brothers, and she was prohibited from having a partner, from receiving love. Her dying alone due to lack of acceptance, with breast cancer. Your grandmother felt betrayed and rejected by the man of the family, dying with uterine cancer. Your aunt dealt with the fear of rejection throughout her life. Your mother faced rejection and non-acceptance from her male family and denial from her female family. Everyone had conflicts with each other, and you were the link of love. Surrounded by 5 older women very present in everyday life, and the ghostly presence of only one man, they made you the Sun, the center of attention. But not only about the house, but about the neighborhood. You were the first to be born among the neighbors, the one who has protected the most among everyone in the neighborhood. You were the only one accepted equally in all the houses, because your presence brought them peace when there were conflicts in their houses. This molded the leonine in you, positioning you in the center of attention, in whom he receives the love, the attention, the gifts. From being a mistake, to being the center of everyone.
_I: Error… Center… These two words resonate with me.
_AM: Of course... You were a mistake turned into the center of the Family. Your Family constituted you as Savior of the same Error, so, when you see an error, you try to save it, being the center. But now look carefully. The mistake is you, and you have considered yourself a mistake in life. You are terrified of making mistakes again. Then you interpret that the only way to resolve a mistake is to become the center, the focus of love for many...
_I: Oh my God…
_AM: Therefore, every time you celebrate your birthday, you seek to attract the attention of the world, to be the center, and deny the truth...
_I: That I was a teenage mistake…
_AM: And that is where your inner child is devalued, he feels that he is a child who can only make mistakes, that at 33 years old he feels that his “parents” do not allow him to do what he wants, because he makes mistakes. But that's not the truth, and you know it...
_I: God... I placed myself in the center of the Family, only because I was afraid of being the mistake of it...
_AM: Welcome to the month of Cancer.
_I: Ugh… Goosebumps.
_AM: Cancer means Crab (from the Latin Cancrum, and from the Indo-European “kar” = hard). It represents groups of individuals on the coasts of the sea, families, enormous clans, protected by their shells, keeping what is soft and weak, sensitive, in a shell. The symbol reflects the essence of this sign that will accompany us for the next 30 days: sensitive, weak, aquatic, but defender of the group, of the family. The key to this sign is the subtle and deep ties, the love for those closest to us, its main attribute being “I Feel”. And that is why we will investigate what you feel, how you feel it, and why you feel it. This is the most difficult point of Humanity.
_I: We have been talking a lot about the family and the clan... About its history and formation.
_AM: That's why this month we will set the intention to go beyond history, how the family was formed, to understand what it feels like. But we are not only going to go through the human family, but also the families that constitute us beyond it. The first sacred family, that of the Mind: the Subconscious, the Unconscious and the Conscious.
_I: And the things that were hidden in them. Like what you just told me… This was clearly hidden in my subconscious…
_AM: And we have only begun to move the Mist.
_I: It scares me...
_AM: The Mist covers everything that lies in your world. The Fog is the symbol par excellence of the Subconscious. It surrounds everything real, covering it in a mystical world, and when you ask for the sun to rise, all that happens is that everything that was hidden begins to show itself. You begin to “realize” the things that were in your world. Fog is nothing more than tiny drops of water arising from the condensation of vapor in a cold space, where the low temperatures of the environment group the particles of water vapor emerging from the ground, at a higher temperature, which expands, compensating for the level of ambient temperature, releases soil moisture into the air. The condensation is so minimal that the water molecules cannot join together to form drops, and due to their light weight, the cold air is able to support them. Therefore, these tiny droplets of vaporized water remain apparently levitating, although in reality they are suspended by air molecules.
_I: A cloud.
_AM: That's where the word fog comes from, from “neubh”, cloud in Indo-European (different from English where “cloud” comes from “clud” = hill, due to the shape of certain clouds to mountains). “Fog” in English comes from “peow” which is “to blow”, with “mist” originating from “meigh” = to spill liquid. Fog is the cloud that, instead of being born by atmospheric condensation, arises from the evaporation of the ground. Therefore, the clouds in the heavens decorate or cover the sun, the superior, the divine, but the fog covers the mundane, the close.
_I: So symbolically, you are in the clouds when you don't have your feet on the ground, or you are cloudy when you can't find inspiration or connection, you can't see the sky clearly. But being in the darkness, or in the fog, like that famous phrase: “lost like a tuco in the fog” (tuco, being an insect similar to a firefly), refers to having no point of reference in reality, not being able to see what is in front of us…
_AM: Being confused. Confusion is born from the idea of a set of fusions, that is, when many things merge, mix, join, and can no longer be distinguished from each other. Confusion is a normal stage for any person who takes in various concepts at the same time, who tries to understand things without a process of assimilating each aspect of them. When you advance without taking care of your steps without knowing where you are going, or at least what the will is that mobilizes you. The Fog is the appropriate image to define the state of Confusion, of one who cannot understand the logic of his world.
_I: How to get out of the confusion?
_AM: The Fog is water in the process of levitation. You cannot go through the fog, you must become it, connect with the minimal movements of the air, and perceive the currents. You must know how to feel confusion as the fusion of all things. When you can't see anything clearly outside, you must close your eyes and feel what is inside. Allow the environment to awaken in you the ability to feel. If you are confused, that means that many things are trying to merge into you. You can only understand them if you feel them, not if you try to see your surroundings logically.
_I: So... I take advantage of this blank moment to think...
_AM: No! …To feel…
_I: Ok…
_AM: Close your eyes. Observe the fog that envelops everything around you. Take a deep breath of fresh air. And observe nothingness itself, until the first figures appear in the space around you.
_I: …I can see it now.
_AM: What is it?
_I: The 8 year old boy… Myself… But, different. I am usually a happy child, I used to be a child who played in life, without worries... I don't understand why I look like this...
_AM: Look better, perhaps, you are looking in the wrong direction.
_I: ...I mean, maybe it's not my past, but... My future...
_AM: There is a child who is approaching your life, so you can welcome him, while your own child says goodbye as you thought he would.
_I: Oh my God... Does it have to do with... My son?
_AM: Your grandfather was rejected by his father, almost to the point of being aborted. Your father rejected you, denying your existence. You thought you were making a mistake in life. But your grandfather accepted your existence and took responsibility. Your mother, your grandmother, they all accepted you. And many years later, your father did too. Today, you try to do something different from everyone else, you try to make it not a mistake, to make it fully planned. You already know everything, what to do, how to do it, where, why, when, who... You try to transcend your own mistake, correcting it in your child's life, making it not something unexpected, but totally concerted and planned.
_I: Is that wrong?
AM: Nothing is wrong or right. I only explain your programs and their echoes. What you do when planning the birth of a child may be karma for another, but it is dharma for your family tree. There is only one person who does not quite accept it.
_I: Who?
_AM: You, at 8 years old. That child who stops being the center of attention. It's almost time for you to start transferring your own brilliance to another, outside, and that means taking the place of that child who was always the center of attention. He is hurt, it hurts him not to have his last birthday party at the enlightened age of 33. But, if you realize, you will have it, a beautiful celebration that instead of becoming a martyrdom, will become a transcendence that It will lead you to transmutation.
_I: Stop being the son, to be the father…
_AM: That's right. Normally, in most lives, no one has time to prepare, most of the time, it is a surprise, and the conflict of son-father, daughter-mother, son-mother, daughter-father, cannot be resolved harmoniously. . Today you have the opportunity to do it consciously. And to do this, you must face the Subconscious.
_I: See in the Mist…
_AM: Many things are hidden there. Cancer has taken the lives of those two women in your life, your aunt Olga and your grandmother René, both with cancers related to their mother. You fear transferring this weight to a mother, to your own mother, and to that of your children. You fear that cancer will take over your maternal future, since you have seen breasts and uteruses consumed by men's mistakes. Do you think you have abandoned them too? Remember... Your aunt Olga died while you were gone, when you moved to another house behind the train tracks. You weren't there when she left. Think about it, your grandmother René, transcended the moment you left to carry out a mission.
_I: …I abandoned them…
_AM: Did you abandon them? And your mother? This year she was on the verge of death due to Covid19, reliving the echo of her father's death at age 52, and you were not there for her. You abandoned her.
_I: Did I abandon her? …I made mistakes… Because I am a mistake…
_AM: You can't help what you are. You make mistakes in the Clan, because you are a mistake.
_I: …You are destroying me…
_AM: I know. Only then can you rebuild yourself. You live in a fog that doesn't let you see what is essential. If you were born from a mistake, what does that make you?
_I: I don't know... I don't know anything anymore...
_AM: Good. It turns you into an entity of error, that is, a wanderer.
_I: A wanderer... The one who wanders, walks through indefinite spaces...?
_AM: How do you say “wandering” in Greek?
_I: …Planet… (planetés)
_AM: Does the phrase “I Am the Earth” sound familiar to you?
_I: It's... Very far-fetched, but, yes, I understand it. That's what I always say... I am the Earth.
_AM: It is far-fetched for the Conscious, logical for the Subconscious. What you have done throughout your life, thanks to your ego, was to turn the mistake that you considered yourself into a gift that changed the lives of many. Now you must recognize that you will change yours, to create new life, and this will be your next true project. Your inner child knows that he must become a father. Abandon, keep that word in mind in your life. You've always felt like they abandoned you. Your father did it, then relatives who died at the least opportune time, made him part of the family by going the other way. Abandonment is the term “à bandon”, which means “to leave something in the power of another”, from the word “bhan”, which means word, to speak. With the gift of speech you have known how to make an excuse for your giving of power to others. Abandonment can be seen as irresponsibility for the other, or as detachment due to the surrender of personal power.
_I: How?
_AM: In a family clan, abandonment is seen from the perspective of Cancer, that is, of belonging. If someone hands over power to the other, the baton, and leaves, it is considered abandonment. Conceptually and outside of a clan, abandonment is simply passing the baton so that the other can take charge of his reality. Seeing that in your clan some have abandoned each other, you follow the game of abandonment as a joint mechanism, and you feel guilty. You can transcend it if you recognize that the real concept of abandonment is what you do when speaking and teaching about the _AM: giving power to the other.
_I: I understand. Although I admit that they are difficult issues to resolve.
_AM: Because you are still walking through the fog. But, don't get upset about being there, take everything you need from this sensation. You must allow yourself to immerse yourself in these emotions, without questioning them. Just recognize that the Fog is not your enemy, it reminds you that it is protecting you from what you refuse to see, from what confuses you.
_I: So I allow myself to walk through the fog, finding the images hidden in it. I allow myself to enter this space of confusion and melancholy, where I reunite with all those harsh realities of my subconscious. And, yes, I understand very well now what you are saying. I can see my feelings with better eyes. My pain of abandonment and being abandoned or denied, the concept of being a mistake and how it led me to recognize myself as the planet itself, and the fact of my inner child hurting from knowing that he will no longer be the center of attention.
_AM: This child does not have to die, nor be afraid of losing anyone under the energy of Cancer. It is time to hug him and honor him, because he will always be there, even if life is not a party, you will never forget that child, you will only transmute him into something surpassing. Now you can look him in the eyes, and tell him whether there is a birthday party or not, he will receive one of the greatest gifts of his life.
_I: Thank you… Thank you for these words, the bitter ones and the sweet ones. Although my emotion is mixed, my conscience feels at peace...
_AM: Walk in the fog, and enjoy the walk towards yourself. Remember that in the subconscious lies not only your human family, but also the Cosmic Family, and throughout this week, all of those who are and are part of you in each dimension, in each world, will be accompanying you.
_I: I thank my Cosmic Family for their support in the coming days.
_AM: We will accompany you through the Fog, until you can see our faces, and the water vapor becomes drops that slide down your cheeks, clarifying your vision within this Divine Dream.