Depression
_I: Go deep… Scorpio is taking us deep. At least that's how it has been for me. I was wondering what the point of exploring the senses was in this week of Scorpio Physics, but now I get it: the physical body is the deepest part of the Universe, it is the ultimate manifestation, where all the distorted options are found. The senses are those tools to feel the deepest and most separate of the Cosmic Being. There we keep the large percentage of who we are. Some people told me: what is the point of becoming so technical by explaining biology, why not talk about the things that matter such as the ways of weaving the Web of Consciousness, transcending social systems to create a new humanity... They clearly do not understand the correlation and importance that both visions possess…
_AM: Clearly not, because they are not two visions, they are the same, they are not two realities, they are the same. The Planetary Consciousness Network is a form of expression of an intelligent tissue that is organized to be active, and the closest tissue that we can understand is manifested in biological tissues and organic systems. The universal memory that descends to the mountains, lakes, centers of power, also awakens in the joints, in the glands, and if we do not know how our own network works, we will never understand how the greater network works. We can poeticize reality all we want, but at the end of the day, poetry is the emotional way in which data and systems are interpreted. And the truth is that a poem that you feel with your soul has no logic if you do not first know how to read or interpret it intelligently. Magic is chemistry, chemistry is magic. The spiritual manifests itself in the physical, the physical experiences the spiritual. As you move through the world on Sagittarius's journey of Life, you will need to understand how to smell, feel, see, taste, hear the world, the web of it. You must understand their emotions, their structures, their molecular and vibrational origins... If you cannot see the macrocosm with the eyes of the microcosm, what we have talked about until today will be of no use. For this reason, it is essential to go towards oneself, to go deep, to see oneself in the shadows, in the smallest, in the most basic designs of creation; Only then can you be a conscious part of the fabrics of the network of consciousness.
_I: I also asked myself if it is necessary to explain again why I tell my life, my personal things...
_AM: There is no need to explain the obvious when the title is called “I and I Am.” You do not write for “Tú y Eres”, nor “Nosotros y Somos”. This is an invitation to self-analysis, not a space for the dissemination of Universal data.
_I: Yes, I understand... It's just that sometimes I have that issue of wanting everyone to understand what I'm doing.
_AM: You have South Node in Libra, and that is why you seek to be on good terms with “God and the Devil”, and that is an acquired gift, neutrality; but your path now is where you are going, your North Node in Aries, and that is You, it is the I Am. And we are in it...
_I: Yes, I know... It's still a bit difficult for me. I have the need to explain everything, as much as I can... And sometimes I go off focus just to satisfy others with my answers.
_AM: And it shouldn't be like that. You must feel confident in them. What happens is that you demand too much of yourself in life, and others demand too much of you, and all that pressure, instead of strengthening you, sinks you... It leads to Depression.
_I: Yes… I'm very depressed…
_AM: Depression is the concept that emerged from the words “de-” (meaning “decay”) and “pressus” (meaning “oppressed”). Whoever is pressured by the forces of the environment lives under the pressure of the world, but whoever loses strength in this pressure sinks, crushed against the ground, falling into a deep well, contained by the external weight. Depression is the inability to manage the pressure of the world, to feel weak in the face of changes, in the face of criticism, in the face of will.
_I: I try to look for what makes me feel sunk, submerged in this miserable pressure, and everything always leads back to me and my perception of the world. In reality, one is always free to do what he wants, to think what he wants, to go wherever he wants to go. Our mind is the only one that designs the limits or believes the limits imposed by the external. It is I myself who is pressured by the words of others, by the circumstances that surround me.
_AM: This is why it is essential to understand the functioning of the tissues that make you up. The depth of your soul is woven into the threads of your cells, which reveal the fabrics of your emotions. Written in the memory of your senses, the will, love and wisdom of your being wait to be activated and recognized. Therefore you must submit to your own pressure. No one finds spirituality or enlightenment in a meditation course, but in the courage to face the shadows, crises and conflicts that are reflected in the innermost being. When you see the pressure of the external world, you can then see the pressure you put on yourself to find what lies within you that you would never otherwise see. And this is when you must differentiate two types of depression.
_I: Two depressions?
_AM: The depression generated by the Unconsciousness and the depression of Consciousness.
_I: Can a Conscious being become depressed?
_AM: A conscious being “must” become depressed. A conscious being, to demonstrate that he is conscious, must have the ability and courage to submerge himself in the mud, sludge and fetid waters that hide the roots of the lotus. Sink your feet and hands in the mud, get dirty, humbly bow to the earth, to unearth the hidden, the weeds or the treasures that lie within the shadows.
_I: I always saw depression as a defeat of the soul.
_AM: That is Unconscious depression. It arises from feeling thrown into the mud, dirty, defeated by an external battle against opposing forces. Unconsciousness implies that this collapse is caused by collective forces, by taking into consideration and as something purely personal what others have to say, think or feel about you. You allow yourself to be dragged and carried away by the force of a world that you do not know as your own and internal, that you observe as separate. The great human error is to think that what is outside is indifferent to us, is separate, and therefore complementary or opposite. This vision leads us to romance or battle, and in its defeat, the body collapses on the muddy floors, dirty with meaningless emotions. The unconscious human gets carried away by what others think and say about him, plunging him into the darkness of insufficiency, comparison and devaluation... Are you unconscious?
_I: The truth is that there are times when this happens to me. I let myself be carried away by what others think or do. It is inevitable many times to feel affected, we are emotional beings. There are times that it indirectly depresses me, seeing that a large number of people, despite everything I try to explain, later act in a completely opposite, or incoherent way. Many times I lose faith in humanity, I feel that maybe I am not giving enough, or that I give what I can and it is not enough.
_AM: Then you must use Conscious depression.
_I: How?
_AM: Stopping projecting onto the other, and sinking to the roots that originate this sensation in you. Tell me, what is it that depresses you?
_I: Speaking of me… My lack of willpower. Feeling like I could give much more and I can't. It depresses me to see that the times I have given a lot of myself, it has been of no use, and that takes away my hope of doing something more... For example, these days I feel depressed, I feel with the dichotomy of thinking that I will dedicate 2 years of my life to this project, and that maybe it is not worth it and everything will remain the same afterwards, and I have lost those 2 years. But at the same time, I feel like if I stop doing this for a day, I'm failing and nothing will really be worth it, not even everything I did in the previous years. My depression is a personal crossroads of trying to give value to what I do, to who I am. To feel like it will never be enough. So what the outside projects to me is that... Seeing that it is never ending. I feel like I'm drowning...
_AM: Well, you must keep one thing in mind: the Universe is infinite, and you will never be able to see a final result, that does not exist. You can't put pressure on yourself to be enough, because to the universe nothing is enough. It's like eating very well one day and thinking: now, I ate so well that I never need to eat again. It's stupid. Your depression is sinking into the belief that you will never be able to finish anything well, and that is exactly what the Universe is about: Infinity. You think now about this year, and how eternal it seems to you, wondering if it will be enough. And then you will start with the social, and you will see that what you do will never be enough for a people, they will always need more or something new. Everything transform. You will never be able to consider anything good and final. You put unnecessary pressure on yourself, because there is no way out. Conscious depression is what takes you to the bottom of the matter, to know the only truth, and it is...
_I: …That I don't consider myself enough.
_AM: Exactly.
_I: I feel that I could always be better, that I could give more of myself, I feel that I have betrayed others by trying to do the best, I feel that I abandon everything I do just to fill new voids. Fill Gaps.
_AM: The Void of Creation is the key to creation. Without emptiness there is no emergence. It is only when you hit rock bottom, in the darkest night of the Soul, when you lose all meaning, all will, when you find yourself in nothingness itself, that you can begin to create again. Stop comparing with what was or what could be, and dedicate yourself to being. Recognize that there is no flower capable of shining without first having gone deep into the earth and mud to take in nutrients.
_I: Like the lotus flower that grows in the mud swamps…
_AM: A human is born from mud, from clay. Therefore, when a human needs to reinvent himself and be reborn, he must return to the mud. Depression is immersing oneself again in the mixture of creation, in the positive energies of the earth and negative energies of water, generating unity, creation. The mother's womb is that place of shelter where we keep all the memories of suffering, fear, trauma. To be reborn, you have to face them, and reuse them. Don't be afraid to go to the shadows, to the depths of your being, get dirty with mud, smell the putrid Scorpion waters, where you can see nothing.
_I: Learning to enjoy depression as a journey into the innermost being.
_AM: In the cosmos, the positive expands to integrate into the negative. In the universe, everything that is outside in life regenerates inward at death. In life, every being experiences in the external world and rests inside the caves. In experience, the pressure of the world transcends into the depression of the soul.
_I: “The descent into Hell.” I remember the story of Orpheus, who with his music decided to look for his beloved Eurydice, after her death, whom he managed to find by calming all the beasts inside him, but who he was unable to free because he did not comply with the only order that had been given to him: not to look at her until he reaches outside Hell.
_AM: What does this story tell you?
_I: It is the story of a body that goes in search of its soul to the world of subconscious shadows. The body must be in harmony, like music, to resonate in coherence and thus no demon will be able to take it. Finding his soul in the shadows of hellish depression, the shadows suggest that he not judge the appearance of his soul, since before bringing his divine self to light, he will still possess the forms that he hates and fears. But in curiosity the body looks, due to its expectations, and then realizes that it was not what it expected, clearly, condemning his soul to live in the shadows.
_AM: That is why you must transcend and free yourself from all expectations, because it is the only way to immerse yourself and save your soul from depression.
_I: Now I understand... What I expect from myself prevents me from seeing what is, and no matter how coherently I position myself within my own hell, if I look at my soul with the eyes of expectation of what I hope it will be instead of loving what is, I condemn her to live in depression. But he would never have found her if she had not descended into the shadows. Therefore, depression is key to finding the information of the soul... It is the great vehicle to Hell.
_AM: Don't make the mistake of Orpheus and Izanagi over and over again. You know well that both of them, despite having gone to the underworld to look for their beloved souls Eurydice and Izanami, had to be divided into pieces, one dismembered and the other distributed in parts throughout the heavens, Stars, Sun, Moon... Condemning the two damaged bodies to live under the pressure of external parts, of astrology, of fate and luck; because they lost their internal compass, their soul, in the shadows of their expectations.
_I: The Greek and Japanese myths make more sense... I hadn't heard them for a long time, and today they take on particular strength. I recognize that I am descending into my own hells to look for the nutrients to make my flower bloom... And that when the stars, planets, sun and moon meet this December, I can go down to my hell without expectations and re-emerge, reborn with the compass active of my heart, uniting my soul, my body and my spirit. In fact, today I dreamed that I was traveling to Michigan, to a town called Battle Creek, where a yellow snake bit me on my right arm. I released the snake in a park where many children emerged from very cold water, and I explained to their parents that the Apocalypse was near. Now that I think about it, this dream told me about the moment of revelation (apocalypse), the end of the battle (battle) and rift (creek) between the three mental, emotional and physical bodies (the Three Great Lakes), overcoming obstacles with wisdom (yellow snake), seeing a fresh new humanity emerge (cold water and children). The entire time I felt neutral and peaceful. I felt like I had come out of that hell, and I was reunited with the consciousness of that unity and hope.
_AM: Step firmly in the mud, it is time for the lotus flower to radiate in your crown, because the deeper you have gone into your soul, the further you can go in the world. Weave the webs within you, and you can begin to weave the webs of planet Earth.
_I: I Am the Network of the Underworld, of the World and the Superworld.
_AM: In your shadows you will find your light... Make your harp sound Orpheus.