Serve - Preserve
_I: Whenever I think about the concepts of this month, visions of a constant conflict of interests between the parties arise, because, at least everyone I know who has this sign very present in their lives, ends up being very bipolar, in the sense that one day they live life in one way, and the next in a completely different way. They want to be free, but at the same time friends to everyone. I do not have absolutely any of the Gemini energy in me, and that is why it is difficult for me... I do not know how to relate to this energy, and that is why, in turn, it attracts me, as a kind of challenge. Their fascination for learning and relating, but at the same time, for closing themselves off in self-absorption, like the counterpart to sharing and talking, which is truly hiding what they are from others. And today, in relation to the heart, this moves me precisely because the majority of the people I have loved very much in my life and who have disappeared from it in tragic ways, are of this sign.
_AM: And it moves you because precisely the reason for his disappearance was because he changed his mind imminently...
_I: Yes. Surely we have all faced relationships from time to time that are unstable and in which everything changes in an instant. I have lived them on three levels that I have very present. From friendship, from the couple and from the family.
_AM: Tell me.
_I: The first was friendship. Since I was 11 years old I had a very close friend whom I loved and love very much, with whom we were together all day, like brothers. He was very funny, communicative, and loved to learn, but at the same time, very reserved about what was really going on inside him, and he used to hide his sorrows behind endless jokes. I knew what affected him and hurt him, but even so, he didn't interfere in his life, unless one day he told me. Years went by when we didn't speak because I moved to another country, but I was there anyway. He had many different groups of friends in different environments, and he tended not to unite them, he preferred to maintain that anonymity of friendships in specific circles. Upon my return, there was the intention to continue this friendship, but soon things began to change. And by soon, I mean in the same week. From being my friend as always, in an instant I became his enemy, the devil. The reasons: one of his new groups of friends were of the evangelical religion, which considered what I was like an extension of the devil. Even though we have seen each other at other times, his attitude was different, and his way of being towards me had changed. We had always been there for each other, but we preferred to keep to ourselves.
_AM: And in love…
_I: You already know the story well, almost like everyone else. That time I fell madly in love with whom I still dream of to this day. He marked a before and after in my heart, because I came from the All and he gave me the fullness of the Void. I understood too many things, and we knew we were perfect for each other in just a week. And in the same amount of time everything changed, suddenly, he was a totally different person. Maybe I made the mistake of rushing things, but his environment made him change his mind about me in just 24 hours, disappearing from my life like no one had ever done, being a ghost with whom I have no way of contacting by any means, with whom my words were kept, when on the contrary they were at his full service.
_AM: And the family…
_I: Well, conflicts of interest. Misinterpretations of what each one intended with the projects we were carrying out. I saw something much bigger for which we all had to make an initial effort, and someone in my family saw that as a betrayal or denial of them, as if I disrespected everything they did for me. In a few months, and especially in just one week, the attitude changed completely, placing herself in the role of victim when there was none of the roles, not even victimizer. And getting ahead of the Gemini emotions, it polarized to the point of placing us in the place of enemies. I will never understand it. But just like with the other 2, I respected the space and moved away completely, not only their space, but respecting my own energy.
_AM: The Gemini heart gives or withdraws, and that is something that, for the most part, we all share, perhaps on a smaller or larger scale. Just as they changed their position, your reaction was the same, change yours.
_I: But they set the intention to do something else...
_AM: But you followed that intention. This is not a judgment, it is a logical and objective observation of the facts. The tendency to see that the endings only have one end of the thread does not allow us to see that a knot has two ends, both pull to tighten, both pull to loosen.
_I: Some more than others.
_AM: Yet here you are. And because? Because the heart of Gemini reminds us of service, but not the service of Pisces, related to the unconditional nature of servitude for the well-being of others, but of another type of service: that which serves a purpose. Are you useful, what are you good for? What are the others for?
_I: How?
_AM: What was your friend used for?
_I: Coldly, to laugh... To have a good time, to feel accompanied.
_AM: What was your lover used for?
_I: To feel loved, to feel at peace, complete.
_AM: What was your family member used for?
_I: To feel protected, contained, supported…
_AM: Therefore, they were at your service, just as in some way you were at their service. Let's understand this. Serve comes from the Indo-European “Serv” which means to protect. This, in Latin, gave the idea that the one who protects is the property of the protected, “servus” being the word for “Slave.” The idea of being of service puts us in a sense of dependence on the other. Serving others can be positively interpreted as collaborating, helping, making oneself available, although it will never cease to have an enslaving origin, more related to usefulness than to sharing. This brings us to the counterpart: the one who watches over the servant, the servant, which comes from the word “wer” (to watch), and which in Germanic gives the word “wardon” which in Spanish we use as “to guard.” For English, this word originates the verb “to guard”, using other terms for the fact of protecting and monitoring something by hiding it, hiding it from others, which is “to keep” or “to save”.
_I: So one becomes a slave to the other to such a point that one begins to be vigilant, trying to keep him to oneself.
_AM: The old power struggle that leads us to seek to have more and then to fight over who gets the biggest share. The abundance of the heart puts us at the service of giving, which can be from selflessness and unconditionality, or from interest and conditionality. When conditions begin to exist on one side or the other, the being becomes vigilant, attentive to situations that lead it to guard itself, to protect itself so as not to lose its own energy.
_I: The verb Serve should therefore be unconditional so that it is truly beneficial for people.
_AM: And this implies understanding that one is a servant of others in terms of use, of utility. Becoming aware that there is no relationship that does not benefit another through service is what would make us freer when it comes to choosing how far we give to the other. A plant is at the service of animals by delivering oxygen with each exhalation. An animal is at the service of others by nature by leaving remains for insects. And there are services that involve abandoning parts of oneself, losing.
_I: But from consciousness…
_AM: …Everything changes. Well, you are able to make the decision of what you want to deliver, and what you want to keep. Perhaps, in the eyes of quality, you believe that Serving is the positive aspect and Saving is the negative, but that is not the case, it all depends on the awareness with which you look at reality. We could take, for example, Serving as positive if it arises from unconditional love, from putting oneself at the disposal of the other, but the only way for this to be unconditional would be if you do not lose a gram of energy by doing it, but on the contrary, you expand your energy.
_I: Like when when doing something for others I feel even more energetic, happy, expanded.
_AM: That's right. In this case, saving this energy would be counterproductive, since an internal excess of this energy can harm you. People guard themselves, they watch their energy for fear of dying, of losing, of being robbed. For this reason they close themselves, cut off relationships, move away, to keep themselves, to protect themselves in spaces of containment. Here, you see the negative aspect in the fact that energy is not renewed unless you exchange it, and that which does not circulate stagnates. And what stagnates, becomes sick. Now, seen from its conscious opposite, being of service can make us dependent on the other, which makes service become more of a measured attitude where the other is equally independent, and will only relate to you at the moment of true necessity, until then, they are equal, and there are no ties that unite them, but love that moves them. Here, saving has a necessary logic, which is to reserve that energy for those who really need it, or for projects that really deserve expansion.
_I: It would be that, instead of regretting the breakups of relationships, I have to focus on saving my energy on what I feel requires of me now.
_AM: It seems obvious, evident, and yet, few humans live like that. The body manages, saves energy for moments of true need, where the being must put itself at the service of the whole.
_I: How do I correct this mismatch between serving and saving?
_AM: Communicating, speaking, manifesting the truth, making clear the links, making clear the limits between giving and receiving, between what you are willing to give and what is your own and you intend to keep for yourself. Learning to communicate this is the key to a coherent relationship, outside of dependent and conditional bipolarity.
_I: It seems simple, and it is so difficult…
_AM: Start little by little, identify first of all in which relationships, in which links or circles of people in which you move, you are giving more than you receive, in which ones you are at the service of losing your energy, in which ones you are unconscious or from consciousness. Identify what you keep and whether you do it out of fear or consistency. If you are a guard of slavery, or a guard of your service.
_I: I set my intention to identify this, so I can have better and healthier relationships.
_AM: And when you are ready, communicate it, say it to whom it belongs, from the greatest of loves. Sometimes holding back is the answer until you are ready to serve from freedom.
_I: I expand in a spiral of conscious surrender.
_AM: Surrender from freedom. Be free and love the world by loving yourself.