Constancy
_I: Today I was thinking that I don't know if my Solar Return for this year is good or bad for the task I must accomplish...
_AM: Why do you think that?
_I: Well, considering that the position of the stars has a subtle effect on us since we are born, giving us tools for our lives, and that each birthday the new position of the stars gives us new tools for the following 365 days, the ones I got this year, I don't know if they will do me a favor or end up destroying me and driving me crazy. First of all, on the day I was born, the Sun was in front of the Leo constellation, so I would be the center of attention. The Moon was in Sagittarius, which would make me want to learn through travel and fun; and on the horizon, to the east, the Capricorn constellation was rising, reminding me that I had to work day and night to improve myself. Mercury in Cancer, giving me the communicative character of a schoolteacher, but considering that Mars, my will, and Venus, my love, were both in Leo, which made everything even more centered on me. Jupiter in Aries reminding me that my life mission is the "I Am," and Saturn telling me from Sagittarius that I will resolve my life karma by traveling the world. But this year, 2020, at 33, the tools I have, beyond the obvious, with my Sun in Leo and my Mercury intact in Cancer, are the Moon in Aquarius, which seems great to me for spending a year alone without emotional dependencies; with the ascendant in Pisces, also interesting in terms of being more connected to meditation and service; Venus in Gemini, which seems fine to me because I am communicating with about 4000 people every day. And Mars in Aries, great for putting willpower into my "I Am." And of course, Jupiter and Saturn in Capricorn... In other words, with more work on myself and my whole history rooted in the same place without moving from my cave, every day doing the same thing.
_AM: So I don't see the problem... It seems like everything you've got for this year is perfect...
_I: Well... The problem is that I don't feel like myself. Beyond appreciating that the cosmic order has given me this opportunity to have these precise tools for my year of conscious quarantine, my nature (the one I have had since I was born) feels trapped in a cage. First of all, I find my emotional stability in travel, in changing environments, and this year, like all of humanity, we were forced to lock ourselves in.
_AM: But the good thing about having the Moon in Aquarius is that everything is the same to you...
_I: Well, that's true. I don't miss anyone, I feel quite apathetic and neutral, trying to learn things I had never learned before, but enjoying being alone. What I struggle with is the ascendant in Pisces. Now that I can be aware of these things, I understand better the mood changes from year to year. I have prepared myself to take a rather irregular and disorderly year for my taste.
_AM: As an ascendant in Capricorn, you are used to planning, structuring, thinking about how things can be done better in the future. But at this time, it is essential that you connect with your inner self, with your soul, without even knowing what will happen that same day.
_I: The other day I cried watching a series... That's not normal for me. I am emotionally apathetic, but when I see an injustice, my eyes water... What I have noticed is that I am much more connected to my mind and not so much to my body or its density as before...
_AM: Perfect... And your Mars in Aries is giving you the willpower you never had to take care of your body through exercise and nutrition...
_I: Yes, but I've never been so irritable in such a short time. Before, I used to hide it when something bothered me... Not anymore.
_AM: The politically correct Mars in Leo is useless in times when you must bring out what is truly stuck in your ego.
_I: That makes sense. I think maybe what is killing me the most is the day-to-day. With a natal Jupiter in Aries, I seek for what I do every day in my life to be intense and risky to find myself and show that quest. And Saturn in Sagittarius tells _I: "solve your problem in Tibet. Now go and solve your karma in Norway, now go and confront your history in Mexico...". As painful as it may be sometimes, that's what makes me grow, feel alive, and useful. However, both are in Capricorn this year... And... I don't know... To be observing and judging myself all day in every act to improve but still, in one place, not moving, locked up, it's a tough stay.
_AM: "Constancy". From the Latin "Con-Stan-tia," which means: that which remains standing or stationary over a long period.
_I: That defines my feeling of madness. Constancy is practically the opposite of me. Honestly, constancy is something that doesn't represent me. Everything I set out to do I leave halfway, everything I do I transform. I have done and created so many things in my life, many of them I have abandoned after a few days of starting because "they bored me." Something that makes many people who follow me not really understand what I should be. My Moon in Sagittarius cannot feel happy or fulfilled when something lasts more than a month. And now, with Aquarius, I feel like everything is the same to me. Before, I used to work on something every day, with goals to achieve, an agenda, purposes, and my Capricorn rising felt happy. Everyone told me to stop planning, but even if the plans didn't go as I wanted, I liked having plan A, B, C, D, and I've even gone up to J sometimes. But now, with Pisces, I can only look at my feet, and see the step by step... As if there were no tomorrow. I don't know what I will do or how I will do it, and in that mental disorganization, however, everything is the same every day.
_AM: Step by step. Therein lies the key. This year had a purpose for humanity: That the 8 billion inhabitants of the Earth would stop, be locked in their homes, and instead of looking to the future and running planning, they would have to live in the uncertainty of Piscean chaos, in constant "I don't understand what will be, what will happen," and awaken to step by step, day by day; focusing on the simplest things, and learning to think about others, to be in the service of others while taking care of oneself. The great practice of Human Constancy within uncertainty. This is a key to prepare ourselves for any crisis, knowing that we cannot think beyond today, that today is all that exists. The only way to build the future is to focus on the present. Step by step. You, personally, must have been pressured by the stars to live this year in such a way. You must turn these tools into a virtue, not a burden.
_I: Take a deep breath, and
enjoy each day as the only one, without thinking too much about what I will do next.
_AM: Things will happen one way or another. What depends on you is the preparation you have to face what may happen. It is important to think about the future, yes. It is important to plan, yes. But you cannot live in the future, no. You can only move forward step by step. And every step you take is equally important, no matter if it is short or long, what matters is that it is firm. The symbol of Pisces is two fish, but both represent the Feet. The foot washing we talked about in the emotional week, here now implies taking the first step on this new path that I have decided to start. And to achieve it, constancy is needed. Constancy is the quality of staying on the path, of not getting lost or distracted.
_I: Difficult constancy with Pisces rising...
_AM: You must recognize that the constancy demanded of you this year is of a Piscean nature, not Capricornian. This year does not ask you to work, or accomplish any purpose or project. This year asks you to Dream, to Imagine, to be in Service of Meditation, to find inner strength, the rich internal world through the connection of the spirit, of magic, of creativity. The "I Am" asks you to sit and do nothing. Contemplate, free yourself from the guilt of not acting for anything. But don't seek to escape, but to contemplate. Jupiter and Saturn in your chart are reminding you that you have a long year where each day will resemble the other, and yet, your interior will become increasingly different. Being in the same place prevents you from escaping the responsibility of continuing the journey. Constancy is an attribute that you must earn, integrate, practice. Your nature seeks to do everything quickly, because you know deep down that soon you will have to go to a new place and you won't be able to continue with it. Not now. You won't go anywhere. Each day will be a step. Your only destination is time, not space. This is the Portal of Time.
_I: I think I just understood something now... When I was writing the novel "The Great Inheritance," I realized that everything that happened did not happen anywhere, but in different times... So, constancy in the same place will allow me to connect to different times... Is that it?
_AM: Constancy is the contemplation of all the possibilities of what has happened, is happening, and will happen. It is like taking a blank canvas and adding a stroke every day. Without expectations, just letting yourself be. And at the end of the year, you will see your creation, where you will be able to see yourself surpassed, having added many nuances. Enriching your vision of yourself. The stroke on each day brings emotions, memories, intentions, which together in the same place make sense, because you can see them all. The last stroke will be from the painter who has managed to unite all the nuances in neutrality.
_I: What I now see as a kind of burden or weight is actually my new tool. I just have to learn to use it, to accept it. What we are and what we receive are all clues to build our "I Am." If instead of running, I sit down to contemplate them, I will be able to see their logic, using them correctly, day by day. It's like what happened to me two weeks ago: I started going to the gym and after 5 days I felt depressed because I couldn't see any changes... The stupid desperation of believing that I must do everything in less than 7 days because on the eighth I'm gone. Constancy is forgetting about the goals and focusing on the process.
_AM: Enjoy the process. The Walk. Why do you do everything you do in life? Do you know that the faster you want to reach the destination, the faster you will find death? Because your only real destination is to die, and the faster you live, the sooner you will find it. Just think about who lives longer: the tortoise or the hare. You must find the perfect balance between living intensely and being able to contemplate that journey step by step. If life has taught you anything in recent years, it is that no matter how much effort you put into making things go as you want, they will change. And when you see that they don't happen as expected, you will be frustrated because you rushed through the process of getting there, and you didn't read any of the signs telling you: "dead end."
_I: Yes, I can see that. But even so, if it weren't for my intention that everything can be done, I would never have done anything.
_AM: Oh, of course, that goes without saying. It is essential to activate, move, do, intend for the energetic motor to start ordering everything. But if you don't give the motor time to warm up and forget to put oil in the gears, chances are everything will derail and you will never reach your intended destination, turning your life into an unfortunate accident.
_I: I know that feeling... Once I burned the engine of my car traveling to Rosario for that same reason. So, practicing constancy is allowing myself to observe every step I take, and how I take it. Knowing if I am firm on my path.
_AM: Great things do not arise from greatness, but they are built from small things. The pyramid is the sum of thousands of blocks. A house is built with thousands of bricks. You cannot decorate a house that has not finished being built. You must lay brick by brick, and do it with great care and dedication, because the moment you want to do it quickly to see the result, you will only get flaws. Later, moisture will enter, the walls will crack, and it may be so weak that the entire structure will collapse. Therefore, going from the architect's plan to the finished building involves time and dedication to each of the elements that will compose it. Every day you wake up, you climb the pyramid, meditate and expand, greet the same people, exercise, have breakfast, write, then you get distracted, walk, paint, learn piano... Everything you do is not passing time, it is building time. Every small step you take is recorded in your cells, and thus, in your energy, and from there in your subconscious, which becomes the cement that binds the bricks, which gives strength, which will hold the structure over time. Constancy is not always doing the same thing, but it is doing what you do with the focus of consciousness on that here and now.
_I: Being present, "with your feet on the ground," as they say.
_AM: The global pandemic had a spiritual purpose: to stop you all, to make you think about day by day, about death, about control, about what you have done with your lives. Did it all make sense? Are you really free? Where were you going and where do you pretend to go? The Earth needed your silence and meditation. That is why 2020 had to stop your desires to move forward. And since it seems that humans do not understand any other method of learning other than through crisis, then the Universe gave you silence according to your way of thinking and acting. Now, sit down and think about what you have done. Become aware of the destinations you were heading towards, think if you lived more in the future than in the present, if you project into "what could be" or into what "is."
_I: And I take a step towards my new life, step by step... Recognizing the importance of each one to build the future.
_AM: Enjoy your tools, they are a gift. Learn from being with yourself in the same place, watching your day-to-day repeat itself, but contemplating each one with a new perspective that surpasses the previous one. You can do it... This is like detoxifying a food, like when you decide to quit sugar: the first time is painful because the habit became an addiction. And if you pass the barrier of despair, you will find balance, calm, and constancy.
_I: One could say that what I am doing, and many of us are doing, is entering into a process of detoxification of time and space.
_AM: That's the key. Detoxifying yourselves from your perception of Time and Space. To enter Eternity.
_I: So, I get to it. And I choose to be Consistent.