Thoughts
_I: …
_AM: …
_I: …Are you there?
_AM: Always.
_I: There's only one day left to start… And, I don't feel anything.
_AM: Excellent.
_I: But, I'm used to feeling a lot. Everything I do, always, carries a lot of emotion, intention, it carries power...
_AM: And that's precisely why you were chaos. Emotion is an engine, it propels the being. The soul is a record of sensations that, like the wind, pushes the sails of our ship towards its destination. They are the waves of the tide that drag us to the coast. But they only work when you have a destination outside, when you are searching. And you are no longer searching.
_I: Does this mean I have found myself?
_AM: No, it means that you have stopped, to let yourself be found.
_I: I always felt like a whirlwind, like a hurricane that drags everything around it, that changes everything constantly, and what I will start tomorrow, July 30, is the complete opposite of me.
_AM: Because in the end, instead of knitting outwards, you decided to knit inwards. Look around.
_I: …The hypostyle hall of the Sphinx, Ptelintur.
_AM: These columns have stood for 12,000 years, and have been rebuilt over the last 5,000. They are still standing, on their axis. They don't move. Fixed like a tree, they are eternal. The axles are fixed, they maintain stability, and in a changing and crazy world, what is needed is an Axis.
_I: This is why you told _I: “go to the Axis of the World.”
_AM: And become him. This mission is simple. Enjoy being the axis. I know that it goes against your entire personality design, but that is precisely where transcendence lies, in letting go of what I believe I am, to Be.
_I: …It's strange not to feel the emotion, not to long for what this place was, and what I was in it.
_AM: What is strange is to long for forms, when the essence you long for lives in your heart. Memories are alive, forms pass. You don't miss because you went to the center of you where memory is the only truth. You missed Sobek, your husband, right?
_I: Much…
_AM: And today he is one of your best friends. Is there perhaps a better transcendence and love than that?
_I: Clearly not. It is perfect. I feel like suddenly all things took their right place. Everything that seemed like success, like the movie, the series, the trip around the world, my family, some friends, everything that for me had a code of “belonging,” no longer belongs to me. They are free, I am free.
_AM: You stopped being a pendulum, now you are an obelisk.
_I: What is expected of me this year?
_AM: What do you expect from yourself this year?
_I: I do not know. Nothing.
_AM: Then I won't expect anything from you either. Waiting is the origin of the word Hope, that is, waiting for something to happen. But you shouldn't wait, you should be responsible. Do you remember the message they gave you at 11:11 in 2018?
_I: “Turn Faith into Wisdom and Hope into Responsibility.”
_AM: And in the “Ring of Brodgar” stone circle?
_I: “Your place is in the center, not the circle, you must accept your place.”
_AM: I know that you often doubt your personality. I know you fear becoming self-centered, that everything revolves around you. But it's the only way you don't lose the axis. There is a big difference between the one who is responsible for being the axis and the one who believes himself to be the axis. The latter thinks that nothing can be done without it. While the first knows that without those around him, he would not exist. There lies the responsibility.
_I: What I expect from myself is to be truly useful. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time with all this.
_AM: Does time exist?
_I: Well… More than time, matter. It wears out, expires, transforms, and sooner or later I will stop having the tool of my body.
_AM: Your task goes beyond the body. Remember, these 5 days are not about the physical form in which you will work, but about the patterns that give it meaning. The geometry.
_I: Yes, I understand that. What humanly makes me doubt is that I feel that I have not contributed anything practical to Humanity. Only to the mind. And yes, I have given tools to many, and many have changed their lives, but still, my purpose, the social thing, I have not done anything about it yet.
_AM: And do you think you will die tomorrow?
_I: No, but, in a week I will turn 33 years old, and we all know what that age represents in a life like mine.
_AM: A before and after.
_I: I will pass the most important staircase in life.
_AM: Doing the most important thing in your life.
_I: Sitting on the pyramids?
_AM: With my ass firmly planted in the pyramids. You've seen too many movies. You think that in a life like yours, at 33 years of age you will end up being the President or a Martyr. And the truth is that it doesn't happen like that. Precisely, the most important thing is that you make the jump of 33 from the greatest possible axis, because by penduluming you will not achieve anything.
_I: Is it a way to preserve myself in jumping?
_AM: It's the way to prepare yourself to give it. You know as well as I do everything that needs to be done next, but none of it will come true if you don't first affirm who you truly are.
_I: Won't everything I've done so far make everything else fail?
_AM: All you did until now was be honest with yourself. There is no point in deceiving yourself in order to make others like you. It's not worth living hidden just for an image. You are You, I am Me. Those who do not see that Truth are blind to the world of images and shadows.
_I: Plato's cave.
_AM: Yes, exactly. The difference is that the fire that draws the shadows on the wall is not something external, but internal. Everyone is crazy, but they are afraid to show it to the world, because the world punishes originality. That is why so few are remembered. Those who dared to be so crazy that they showed their sanity. Those who lit the Fire on their own.
_I: The fire… Tomorrow!
_AM: This July 30, the Fire, the Tetrahedron of creation, is lit. The first flare of the Spirit. Be a spark for the fire of many. Turn on the light of the spirit, and the shadows will disappear.
_I: I am divine spark.
_AM: I Am the Fire!