Expectations
_AM: I can tell that you are a little irritable today...
_I: Yes, I haven't woken up in the best mood to be honest. But, the strange thing is that there is no reason for me to feel the way I feel.
_AM: Many things are moving, and it is normal.
_I: Yes, I think because of everything we are doing, there is a kind of purging of the physical, emotional and mental bodies, and this emotion arises.
_AM: Can you identify it?
_I: Well, it's like that feeling of reluctance, that everything bothers me, as if all I wanted was to have stayed asleep all day. I went to the pyramid, and even in there it was the first day I felt like getting out and leaving. A feeling of: “bah, I'm wasting my time and I'm bored.”
_AM: What makes you feel the loss of time?
_I: Well… I think it's the fact that every day looks like the next. It's a feeling that I go in circles, and nothing new happens.
_AM: You are used to your life changing drastically, hour by hour.
_I: Yes, my daily goals are usually not one, but several.
_AM: And that keeps your mind and emotion entertained.
_I: Yes, the feeling is that things are always happening, and that there is always something to tell.
_AM: Well, you live in the rhythm of a series, with adventures and magic around every corner.
_I: Yes, all those who have traveled with me; Friends, family, others, feel that times are relative and that very crazy and inexplicable things happen.
_AM: Because you embark on an adventure, without limitations. You have no limits of imagination, of territory, of time, and that breaks the structures; and by being able to manage all that energy, magical things happen, which in reality is not magic, it is simply having gotten out of the routine and seeing the truth of what happens when moving through the world, through reality.
_I: That's what happens... Everyone who knows me knows that I live like in a constant movie, where there are always many things to do and experience... And I think that despite how well I have taken the monotony since the quarantine began On March 15, upon arriving in Egypt, and beginning this daily structure, many things have begun to move. But me…
_AM: Because it was your task: to be the Axis, remember?
_I: Yes, and it is counterproductive for someone who lives traveling and changing every hour, to ask him to be fixed in one place, going to the same place every day, as if he were a monk in a cloistered temple.
_AM: What did you expect from this?
_I: I don't know... Nothing, really...
_AM: Honestly… Tell me.
_I: I expected two things: one that it would be a trip through the 32 nodes of the Earth so I would have to run and adapt to something new every day. And another, I thought this would be something much bigger, with more movement, with more diffusion... And in the end, it is being something very homemade, very much among friends, in the same place doing exactly the same thing every day.
_AM: Good… And what emotions do you feel because of this?
_I: Well... A little bit of everything, although lately I have literally felt nothing, empty, but today I began to realize that I feel a bit of a strange disgust at my situation, like it is not what I expect of myself. It's not frustration, because I feel that everything is going very well, but it's more like that feeling when you're about to bite into an apparently delicious and juicy apple, and when you dig in with your teeth, it's sandy and without flavor or juice, dry. That feeling, I don't recognize its name...
_AM: Disappointment… No?
_I: I think so, that's it. When things, even though they are good and useful, do not go as planned and you are left with a strange feeling of disappointment, restlessness, discomfort. Like being in Paradise but alone.
_AM: This is because of the expectation you put on things. “Ex spectare”, from the Latin “to wait for something from outside”. This is common to all humans, who project a destination or objective on the horizon, but before reaching it, the idea of it arrives, since we all move in a direction with the “hope” of finding what we imagine. It is like someone who wanders through the desert following mirages, seeing water in a sea of sand. And yet he advances, trying to finally find that oasis, although it is difficult to do so. Mirages are real, it is the heat evaporating the environment, generating a distortion in the light that gives the sensation of waves, of platinum liquid. But it is our mind that drew the water, the palm trees, the animals and the grass. The mind is so fast that it reaches the destination even before we can figure out which direction it is located. And what we see in our mind always tends to surpass what we subsequently experience in reality. Thus, I will never be able to enjoy what I find, what I am and where I am, because I am always waiting for something from outside, something that I cannot be, because it is only a projection.
_I: So you say that my mind puts too much effort into experiencing magic in something that doesn't have it. No?
_AM: When you wait a year to go to the Pyramid and activate it with friends, entering it becomes an act of discovery, innovation, apex, culmination and realization of a journey of your path. A mission is accomplished, a conflict is resolved, there is an outcome, the body becomes excessively tense, and in an instant it relaxes excessively. A certain feeling of ecstasy floods the body due to the adrenaline, endorphin and dopamine secreted in the effort to make everything go perfect. Then, in ecstasy, you experience the magic. The paths join, the networks combine, suddenly you understand things, you connect information with others, and in the face of the unknown, the wonder of discovering oneself, of understanding, of seeing the signs arises, and joy gives meaning to the act.
_I: But…
_AM: But, when entering the Pyramid becomes routine, greeting the same seller every day, the same guards, seeing that they already know you, passing through the same path, climbing the same stairs, suddenly the King's chamber loses magic, and becomes a cavern of carved rocks. Or worse yet: your work office. And the excitement of going to work every day is commonly known, especially for someone with the Moon in Sagittarius.
_I: Yes, it slowly destroys my emotional body…
_AM: And this is because the expectations you set can go in two directions: either create a pre-established idea of what should happen, or on the other hand, create the idea that something should happen even if you don't know what, something that surprise
_I: I am more of that second option. Before, she did project the idyll of how it should be. However, for a year now, I have been more of the second type: I flow, I let myself go, and I prefer to surprise myself without preconceived ideas.
_AM: And yet, you fall into the despair and desolation of meaninglessness. You start believing that it is not worth it, that this is not changing anything or anyone, what is the logic of going to the pyramid every day to sing, if no one sees it, if the pyramid will not fly into the air? And yet, behind it there is something that you are not seeing. And behind this restlessness, there is perseverance, doctrine, routine, pulse. The heart is the transmitter of all possible emotions, and yet its pulse is the same, constantly, its routine makes magic possible. Sometimes, it is necessary to understand that great things are achieved with small steps, that the greatest magic lies in the simplest acts, that a mechanical and doctrinal act in unconsciousness becomes a trap, but from consciousness it becomes a pulse. , a beat, the longer you press, the further your rhythm will go. The noise of hundreds of stones falling on the surface of a lake generates a lot of information, but a lot of disorder; A simple drop falling on the pond marks a mantric rhythm that connects the entire lake in harmony. The mind that wants to see the lake move feels that the drop is weak, slow, exasperating. Silence your mind, breathe in, and observe your daily actions, and instead of turning them into routine, turn them into doctrine, and make doctrine a consciousness, and the constant act will become constancy. For a plant to bear fruit, it must grow at a patient pace, focused on every millimeter of its here and now. A plant that has just emerged from the seed and is already waiting to become fruit will use up all its energy and die before even seeing it flower.
_I: Patience…
_AM: No... It is not a question of patience, because patience implies expectation, it implies doing what I do in order to wait for one day something to happen that changes my state. What you need is Here and Now. To honor your traveled path and build a fruitful future, you need to practice the Here and Now. One day at a time, one step at a time, without expectations of what is to come. The future is built with the acts of the present. Stop looking at the horizon, and contemplate the axis that you are. Become aware of the minimal acts that are repeated in your daily life, and recognize them as the pulse of your heart. Now, do them knowing that every time you get up to go and enter the pyramid is the first Pum of the heart, and when you leave, return and write, it is the next Pum, and each doctrinal act.
_I: The word doctrine is very strong, it is almost religious...
_AM: Because you have dirty the concept. Doctrine arises from the words “docere”, “tor” and “ina” which respectively mean “teach”, “agent”, “relating to”. That is, everything related to teaching, science, the search for wisdom. Wisdom is not found in the epiphanies of seconds, but in the constant practice of minimal and minute daily acts, which build at a cellular level an understanding of the Universe that surrounds and composes me. If you become aware of these acts, you will become wise, without the expectation of said epiphany that will already live in you every day.
_I: That is to say that if all of us, in our lives, make conscious the repetitive acts of our daily life as the heartbeat of our being expanding in the world, we will be like that drop that can harmonize the entire lake.
_AM: The “tick, tock” of time… The “pum, pum” of space…
_I: It's true, my big mistake is expecting more than what I experience on a day-to-day basis.
_AM: Oh, no, remember that it was your mistakes that brought you here. Thanks to erring, you are finding the only thing you should have hoped to find: yourself. The rest will come alone.
_I: Move from Expectation to Action.
_AM: Close your two eyes, those that look externally, and you will see that everything you imagine finding outside, was a product of your interior, and already lives in you. Don't expect to be tomorrow what you can be today.
_I: Thank you for being…
_AM: Thank you for being…